"Miss Martha, you are so weird!" "I know . . . isn't it wonderful!?"

Archive for December, 2011

Lake Wobegon . . . I am your daughter

What Is Flatulence? What Causes Flatulence (Farting)?.

According to this website, the average person had about 14 episides of flatulence a day.

 

(*Oh Shenandoah*)

Oh flatulence, I long to hear you.

 

Oh flatulence,
I long to hear you,
And feel your roiling rectum.
Oh flatulence,
I long to hear you,
Away, I’m bound away,
to my chilly bathroom.
Oh flatulence,
I am your daughter.
Away, you roiling rectum.
For that I’d cross,
Your flushing waters,
Away, I’m bound away,
into the distant toilet.
‘Tis fourteen farts,
your daily average,
And hear that roiling rectum.
‘Tis fourteen farts,
your daily average,
Away, I’m ways away,
Above the daily average.
Oh flatulence,
I long to hear you,
And feel your roiling rectum.
Oh flatulence,
I long to smell you
Away, we stink away,
Above the daily average.

 

 

Definitely above average.

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When I grow up . . .

. . . I want to be more like my mother.  I don’t even know where to begin . . .

 

I realized that everything I like in life (pick ANYTHING that I like), somehow reminds me of my mother.

 

I’m feeling sappy.

 

Sorry.

 

She can belch sentences.

 

Loudly.

 

Better?

 

🙂

In 2012

I’m going to lose at least 16.2 pounds.  I’m going to make sure my dad loses his 10.  We have a deal.

 

I’m going to spend more time with my sister.  I’m going to bake more.

 

I’m going to NOT need an IV steriod infusion.  I’m going to raise more money for the MS walk than I did last year.  I’m going to walk my dogs more.

 

I’m going to make a point to tell people, not just *that* I like them, but why.  Think about it.

 

Oh, and . . .

 

I’m going to read 1,000 books (don’t panic, I’m counting children’s books), but Laura will still probably read more.  Damn Nook.  😉

Permission by default!

My husband just asked “what are you doing over there anyway?”

“Blogging.”

“Whatting?”

“Blogging.  I just started a blog, like yesterday.  I’ll send you a link.”

“No thank you.”

 

heh heh heh

it’s on.

 

I told a kid today

that if you don’t listen to your Librarian (me), your brain will shrivel up and drain out your ear while you sleep.  It will be absorbed by your pillow, and you’ll be able to wring your pillow out, and get *some* of your brain back, but you’ll never be the same.

 

“I’ve seen it happen.”

 

“Twice.”

 

I hope he didn’t really believe me.

but i kind of hope he did

9:07 on a Thursday night

Churning

Rumbling

Roiling

Grumbling

ohhhh my gutness

What did I eat?  What did I do?  Is it just one of those weeks?  Months?  Seasons?  Am I destined for a repeat of last spring . . . days at a time in the bathroom?  Dozens of books read back to back, cover to cover?  Should I find a new series to read on the john for the 2012 kickoff?  Should I go to my sister’s house, where, I think, I’d be able to watch TV from the half bath off the den?  Should I send her a link to this blog, so she knows to make sure there is extra TP, candles, and snacks in there for me? 

Churning

Rumbling

Roiling

Grumbling

ohhhh my gutness

McCabe & Hall: Apocryphal Psalms of David: 4Q88, 4Q448, 11Q5-6

McCabe & Hall: Apocryphal Psalms of David: 4Q88, 4Q448, 11Q5-6.

 

Yeah.  I’m smart.  :p

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